A not-so-cheery post from me this week. I'm feeling down about this round and trying my best to stay sane and positive but it's been super hard. The 2ww during IVF is a really mean and hateful, hateful thing. But we had some good stuff happen--DH and I have a new car as of today. Only I wonder, when my special birthday horoscope said I'd get the one thing I'd been wanting for so long in October, I was hoping it meant a successful IVF cycle, not a new car. :)

Oh the joys of bed rest. I've been good this time too. Have lazed about on the couch for 3 days straight. Today's the last day! We had ET on Saturday and it went really well. We had the actual embryologist there (not one of his lackey's) and he was very informative. We transferred 3 again: all grade B’s (one a “B+�), 2 were 7-celled and 1 was 8-celled. Not too bad. Not as good as last time but look what last time got us? The doc who did our transfer seemed to do a great job. My cervix cooperated too. I did acupuncture before transfer and that, combined with the valium, helped keep me chill. As of Saturday, we had 11 embryos still being cultured. None look stellar but the embryologist thinks we may get 1-2 to freeze this time. Boy, that would be nice.

And so now I'm in the 2ww. I feel weird this time. Not really hopeful. Sort of like this cycle is just going on around me. It's still early though. As soon as I start getting any semblance of a pg sign, I think my involvement in the 2ww will skyrocket!

Well, I'm standing on the precipice of ET. We had 20 eggs retrieved. 6 more than last time! 18 were mature and ICSI'd. 15 fertilized and we have 14 growing on day 2. All are between 2-4 cells but here's the downer. The embryologist says "none are perfect" and we are doing a 3dt vs. 5dt. Most are grade B's. Listen in as I apologize for being a whiny butt about my ET, how I'm terrified to do another IVF 2ww, and how my elevated antithyroid antibodies give me just one more thing to worry about.

Well, this cycle is just flying by. I only stimmed for 7 days and coasted last night when my E2 came back at 3992. Lots of big follicles today so they can't hold me off any longer. I trigger tonight with ER on Wednesday. I'm nervous that I stimmed too fast and my eggs won't be mature. But who goes into ER without a bucket full of worries? All I can do is cross my fingers and toes and let the doctors do their magic!

With all the drama that preceded this cycle, you'd think there would be more ups and downs so far. Nope. Everything has been smooth sailing so far. I'm stimming much better this round. Could be the higher dose (although they've dropped my dose every day--from 350 to 225 so far), could be the no exercise, could be the weight gain (10 pounds today), could be the steroids. Whatever it is, I'm liking it! Don't know when ER will be but am thinking maybe a week from today.
Update: E2 is 1623 after 5 days of stims! G*nalF dropped to 200.

So I had an ultrasound and E2 draw on Sunday. Ultrasound showed everything chilling. Blood work showed a MUCH lower E2 of 91. My guess is the reading of 890 was a lab error--perhaps it was 89.0 and got translated wrong. Even though 91 still seems kind of high to me to start stims, I got the go-ahead anyway. I started stims on Sunday: 350 IU gonal-f, 20 units microdose ovidrel, and 5 units lupron. I go in on Wed for bloodwork. Here we go....

So the nurse calls my home phone. It's not good when the nurse calls. She tells me my E2 is 839. I about choked. 839? Surely there has been a lab mix-up? I go in tomorrow to have it rechecked but I'm just shocked. I had no cysts right before I started lupron and I get AF after BCP, while still on lupron. Where did this cyst come from? Am I trying to ovulate? I mean, I don't "do" ovulation. In fact, it took me over a week of stims to see anything above 800 on the E2. So my guess is this cycle is off. Which may not be such a bad thing. I had a bad feeling about it anyway. But man, sucks that I still have to be the designated driver tonight for the beer fest. I could use a drink...or five.

Back after a 2 week hiatus. Trip to Ohio was good. I'm in the depths of lupron despair now—you know, the headaches, the depression, the blah-ness. Hoping to start stims tonight but am awaiting that elusive voicemail message on my clinics message service. Why do I feel like a dejected loser every time I call in and it says "You have zero messages"? Anyway, this week I talk about more antibody crap, endo theories, and my annoyance with sitting in the exam room for an hour. Will post updates when I get them!

I also wanted to thank all of you who have posted comments. You don't know how much it means to me to get so much support from people I've never even met. Definitely helps when you feel you're low on hope.