Had an OB appt with a quick u/s. 2 hearts still beating away. So why can't I chill out? This week I talk about my latest fear: uterine entrapment. I want to let go. I'm in the 2nd trimester. I want to enjoy this pregnancy. Not sure when that will happen.

We had a wonderful NT appointment on Wednesday. The babies were squiggling around so much that they took about an hour to do the full scan. It was a much loved hour watching those 2 dance around like a couple of crazy babies. This week I talk about my fear of weaning myself off meds and how I still feel like I'm far off from feeling comfortable with telling people our news.

While it seems that time is going by quickly in other areas of my life, for pregnancy, it is like I'm standing still. Each week milestone I hit feels like it took a month to get there. It doesn't help that I had no u/s this week that let me check in on things. I talk today about how my doctor's office is not boosting my confidence, go over some IF-related studies, and talk about how I'm feeling more comfortable with my decision to forgo more immune treatment.

 

I also feel like a total dork. On my last post, I was all excited the babies were measuring ahead, thinking that I was 8w5d at my u/s. Um no, I was 9w5d (no wonder why time is going slow). So the babies were measuring behind by a few days still. I really hope they catch up soon!

A good week but a stressful one. U/S looked great. Babies were measuring a bit ahead. I was 8w5d and they were 9w1d and 9w. Usually they're measuring behind so it was nice that they played catchup. I discuss this week why I'm thinking about discontinuing IV*Ig. I now have another 2 weeks in between u/s. I haven't had to wait this long yet to check in on the pumpkins so next week is going to be a lonnnnggggg week. Anyone have pro or con views on getting a doppler?

And as an answer to Courtney who posted today on the previouos post, they didn't unblock my tubes. I really wanted them too but my RE said they'd just close back up (they were gunked up with endo). I understand that if you have hydros, they'll want to remove your tubes but mine were just blocked without water in them.

A shorter podcast this week. Had a good OB appt and got to take a sneak peek at the 2 monkeys today. I went to a new patient class at my OB's office and it was so weird to be around happy pregnant women who had no fears. And it was weird to meet with a doctor who said things like "Congratulations." and "Everything looks great." I'm not used to that. I'm used to "Um, wow, we don't know what's wrong with you." and "Things don't look good." Please let this be a change in the tide. Let things go well from here on out. Good news is the SCH looks like it's gone. So hopefully no more bleeding. And here's an u/s pic of one of the monkeys.

So there's the latest pic of the babes. And, you can also see my stinking subchorionic hematoma too. I flipped it upside down because that way it looks like an alien. :) The babies form the eyes and the SCH forms the mouth. So sort of a long podcast this week where I talk about why it's hard to stay positive (I'm trying though) and how I have a healthy dose of survivor's guilt. I also lament about work life stresses and why DH and I, if we ever get to announce this pg to the world, will be telling everyone exactly how many IVFs it took.

It's been a rough day. Lots of red bleeding and cramping landed me in the clinic for an emergency ultrasound. I figured it had to be over. But low and behold: they're both still there. Both have heartbeats and both measured 6w3d (a few days behind but still OK). I was shocked and so relieved. I figured we would lose one at least just because my betas were so weird. To have both still there is so amazing. I go back in for an u/s on Wednesday. I was supposed to head to CA for a wedding on Thursday but we are having to cancel. Doc said travel is not a good idea right now because bleeding is never a good thing. For now, the bleeding has stopped and now I just wait for the next sneak peek at these 2 troopers who seem to be thriving in my war zone of a uterus.

I won\\\'t spoil too much of the surprise. You\\\'ll have to listen to the podcast this week for all the updates. But the number may give you a hint. :)

And I\'m not sure why Libsyn is putting /\'s in my post.

So beta more than doubled today (DT 46.7 hours). I started spotting yesterday though, which of course freaked me out. And my progesterone has plummeted from 60 to 16. So I have to go back on the PIO. Progesterone has always been an issue with me and I was worried to go off the PIO. Not excited about going back on but will feel relieved to know I'm getting a good dose of progesterone. Plus, I'd stick needles in my eyeballs to keep this pregnancy. So I have to go back in on Tuesday for another P4 check and I think, beta, and then maybe they'll actually talk ultrasounds with me.

Waiting impatiently for my 4th beta. These last 2 days have about killed me. I wish I wouldn't get so down and worked up over things. It's hard not to want this soooo badly and to be so scared about all the what ifs. Thanks to everyone for your wonderful posts--especially to all my former BG members on Baby*Center and FF. I give you all a formal apology in my podcast for being such a bad friend. :)

All right, just hoping the next hour goes by really fast!

Update: Yay, they called early today. Beta is 1677. I'm very pleased with this number. Sure, it didn't double but DT was 53.7 hours which is better than it was last time (62 hours). AND it went up. AND it went up by 86% (last time it was 71%). Sure the chart doesn't look as pretty but I'm leaning towards a vanishing twin. BUT, my clinic isn't really happy and wants me to come back on Sunday. That'll be five betas for me. I wanted to sleep in on Sunday. :( I wanted to be done with beta hell. Oh well, I am pleased with the number. Thought it would not go up that much. And I think Sunday will yield another good number. Fingers crossed!

I don't like that things are slowing down. I really wanted a nice doubling beta. Here are the betas so far:
Beta 14dpo: 180
Beta 17dpo: 527 (DT 46.5 hours)
Beta 19dpo: 902 (DT 62 hours)

Go back again on Friday. This week is so friggin' long!

Beta for today is in:

14dpo: 180
17dpo: 527
DT: 46.5 hours
Progesterone up from 36 to 49

It is hard to breathe. It all seems surreal. My only experience with betas before were those going in the opposite direction or those who were never positive at all. Another beta on Wednesday and Friday and then it's a long month wait until the ultrasound.

I tested with the internet cheapie test on Thursday (13dpo in the picture below) and again on Friday. Seemed to be getting darker but on Saturday, it looked the same. I was nervous--having flashbacks on my chemical pregnancy. But the beta results came in on Saturday (from Fridays 14dpo test) and it's 180. Absolutely thrilled with that number. Took another Accu-clear and it's darker and the IC test from today is much darker. Official beta is tomorrow and then Wed and Fri to check for doubling.

It's all so surreal right now. I don't feel particularly pregnant except for a few signs here and there. Just hoping to make it through the beta hurdle this week.

Thanks so everyone who posted comments. It means so much to me that there are so many people out there rooting for me!

I'm in utter shock. This week has been hell. The 2ww after IVF is so awful and I was getting no sleep and was feeling pretty on edge. So when I tested yesterday (13 days past retrieval), I was basically just confirming a negative. I about fell over when I saw the 3 lines on 3 different tests come up so dark and so quickly. I had to run and get a digital to confirm and it was so awesome to see the word "Pregnant" come up!

Official beta is not until Monday but I got one drawn today on the sly. Won't know the results until tomorrow or Monday though but I couldn't resist. Please, please, please have this be something that sticks this time. Please let this be for real. I'll update the site with my betas next week.

So those are the 2 beauties. We transferred 2 blasts: 1 early blast grade B and one regular blast grade B+. There were 2 morulas left that they may freeze. And so now begins the true wait. And the wait sucks. It's probably the worst part of IVF to me. You do so much stuff and then you're sent on your merry way to twiddle your thumbs and just wait. I've been taking it easy since transfer and tonight I'm officially off "bedrest."
Now I just fight to keep hope alive. Hope abounded before this cycle. All signs are pointing to yes! And yet, I sit here and think about what I will drink next Friday when I get a BFN. It's a vicious thought process. Your mind plays so many tricks on you. Hoping to post good news here next week...see, that sounds hopeful right?

Quick update. Out of the 12 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature. On day 2, we had 7 embryos. 4 were 4 -cell and looked good so they told us as long as we had 3 8-cell by day 3, we'd do a 5 day transfer. They said they'd call us by 9am on Monday to let us know which day we'd transfer.
I woke up at 6:30am and I couldn't sleep. Was up all night with nightmares about missing the call from the embryologist. 9am passed. 10am passed. 11am passed. Finally, at noon, I called them. We still have 3 grade A 8-cells right now. The other 4 are chugging along too (although not as many cells and not as pretty). So we're bumping up to a 5dt. This is new for us and we're pretty excited. This cycle has definitely been about quality over quantity.
So hoping we have something left on day 5 to transfer!

Well, I had ER today. We got 12 eggs--so just one more than I expected. It's less than the 14 and 20 of yesteryear's IVFs but still, anything in the double digits is good in my opinion. And my last 2 cycles, about 75% of my eggs turned into embryos so that means I'm hoping for 9 embryos this round. Won't know until Sunday. Until then, I wait. In the meantime, I have a meeting to go to. Yuck, who wants to go to a meeting on ER day? I hope they don't mind the spacey look I have or the fact that I'm crampy and bloated. It's a shame life has to continue around you while going through IF treatments. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep some more.

Well as you can see, the E2 this round is much more steady. I managed to get 9 days of stims in--although my follicles are all really big so hoping they aren't over ripe. I trigger tonight and will have ER on Friday. Hoping I'll be able to still do a podcast on Friday to update everyone with my egg counts. I'm going to guess 11 but it would be great to have more. But 11 mature eggs would be fantastic. 1st IVF I had 14 eggs and 2nd cycle I had 20. Don't think I'll get that number of eggs judging by the number of follicles I have. I know it's quality over quantity but quantity sure feels pretty nice. :)

Very excited with my E2 from today. As you can see by the graph, an E2 of 1604 after 6 days of stims is a much better place for me to be in. Last 2 attempts my E2 was approaching 3000 by this day. Hoping my follies aren't too big tomorrow and I have lots of even growth.

Sorry about the delay in the posting. Libsyn (my hosting site) was down for awhile. So this cycle seems to be going better than the last 2 but still way too fast. I'm only on 150 IU each day and still E2 is going up and up. You can see by the graphic that it's not as crazy as the last 2 times but still crazy enough. Today's wanding revealed 6 follies >10 mm but <18 mm on the R and 3-4 in that range on the L. Have 3-4 <10 mm on R and 1-2 <10 mm on the L. I may have more but I get kind of confused and overwhelmed when they do the u/s. Anyway, E2 is 1299 after 5 days of stims. Lining is at a 10. This is compared to an E2 of about 1600-1900 on the last 2 rounds after day 5. I just would really like to stim for at least 8 days this round. I'll post updates on here when I can.

So there is research showing that the more stressed you are before a cycle, the less likely it will be that you will get pregnant. So I really wanted to try and stay calm this round. But it's been a rough week. I've had to scramble to readjust my travel schedule and cancel a visit to my husband's parents because of this upcoming cycle. I've learned now that, at the last minute, I have to take classes this semester ("Hi professor, I'll be missing this week of class because of bed rest...don't ask."). And my husband is at the end of his rope with cycling. He's ready for it to be done. Without his optimistic support, it makes staying stress-free even more difficult. Hoping at least the cycling part will be stress-free. I'd like for a cyst-free post-lupron baseline with a good deal of antral follies thrown in there for good measure. That's not so much to ask?

I had 2 small cysts on each ovary. They took my E2 and neither seem to be functioning cysts so I start lupr0n tonight. I'm kind of freaking out because the RN left a message saying that once I get my period, I'll come in on cd2for blood work and u/s and then start stims. This is completely different from how I have done it in the past. Usually, I'd go by my schedule. So, no matter when my period starts, I start stims after 10-13 days of lupr0n (whatever they scheduled me to do). My schedule has me starting stims on 8/24. But that would mean getting my period 6 days after stopping the BCP. Last time, I got my period 1 day after stopping BCP. So, this is problematic for many reasons:
1. I haven't started steroids yet. Figured I would have 12 days to be on them before stims as per my calendar. Now I'm guessing more like 6 days. I've always taken them at least 2 weeks prior to stims and I am hoping 6 days will be enough. I have to be on them to stim or I won't respond at all.

2. We're scheduled to go out of town for DH's parents anniversary party. Now it looks like I'll be in full fledged stim mode. This means DH goes without me. This means I give myself my shots. This means we lose money on my ticket. This sucks.

3. I've scheduled IV1g based around this schedule. As it stands now, it'll probably be too late. But I won't know until I get my period. Very frustrating.

On the upside, earlier schedule means when we have friends come into town in mid September, I'll be close to the end of the 2ww versus smack   in the middle of it. I'd rather be able to celebrate with them (with sparking grape juice) or cry with them (over copious amounts of fermented grape juice) :) than be wanting to POAS every morning.
Oh, why does this have to be so freaking complicated??? On the upside, yay for no functioning cysts, right?

My acupuncturist did a great job getting rid of the BCP-induced nausea. Now just awaiting my baseline scan on Monday so I can start lupr0n. This week I discuss why I'm a worst case scenario kind of person (like knowing where the exit rows are on planes)--and how it meant I knew way too much about IF treatment before I was IF. I also talk about how life is supposed to go on despite being in debt and spending way too much time doing IF treatments. And I'll ponder how best to answer the question "Do you want kids?"

Well I'm on my way to IVF#3...again. Started the BCP and it's making me really queasy. Dates are as follows:
8/13 start lupr0n
8/24 start stims
ER on 9/5 and ET on 9/8

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend by the pool. Trying to get as much relaxing in as I can before things get crazy with IVF scheduling!

Well, my period is here and it's time to get going on IVF#3....again. And my period didn't arrive because I ovulated. Um, no. My body, despite being pumped up with tons of stim drugs, refuses to O on its own. So it was pr0vera for me. Meeting with doc went well and we're starting me on a lower dose this time. So I start BCP tomorrow. Hoping I'm not on them too long. I want to get this show on the road.

I'm stuck in an endless cycle of trying to get to IVF#3. I still haven't ovulated despite the RN's at my clinic's office saying I would. Uh yeah, being that I have ovulatory dysfunction and have been on lupr0n dep0t for the past 2 months, makes that kind of difficult. Went in for blood work today and am awaiting the results. Really hoping they'll just let me trigger and be done with things. I'm spotting slightly though which makes me think that my E2 has plummeted and I'm going to get AF and be left with a bunch of crazy cysts that never popped.
But, DH and I decided that we have a fun weekend trip when an IVF cycle goes bottom up, why not get away for a cancelled IVF? We're off too the beach. Parents arrive in to town next week so no podcast on Friday but will try to at least update you all on how my doctor's appointment went on Monday!

Yup. No big surprises. My follicles were already too big yesterday. Stimmed too fast. My RE made a big mistake--really screwed up my doses.
2 months of lupron depot and $2000 down the drain.
Now just wait for AF to see what to do next. WTF appointment next Monday. Need this to end....badly.

Here's a picture of my estrogen levels as compared to my previous 2 cycles. Wow, looks like cycle #2 huh? Things are going nuts and my body just doesn't want to chill out. So hoping to make it a bit longer but this morning's ultrasound was icky: lots of really big follies already. We'll see what the weekend brings. I know it won't bring a glass of wine for relaxation which stinks. But it will bring an acupuncture session and a pedicure. Can't be all bad. Considering I can barely see my toes over my really bloated belly, not sure why I bother to get the pedicure. Guess my toes will look good in the stirrups for ER.

I can't believe it but I guess my E2 was in a good range. My ovaries looked anything but quiet though which makes me nervous. Already had a bunch of follicles ready to get started. Lining was only at a 6 so I shouldn't be too full of estrogen. Start stims tonight! Here we go.

Back from Europe. It was a nice visit but I was unable to escape IF. DH delivered news of pg neighbors and everywhere I turned there was a pg belly or stroller. But check out the picture of the sign I saw. Pretty funny, huh. Where is this baby-free zone? Suppression check is tomorrow and I feel anything but suppressed. Feel like I'm swimming in estrogen so we shall see if the lupron depot did it's job. Fingers crossed that we can go for it!

Still busily coordinating my own medical care. IVIg is still up in the air but hopefully will come together soon. It seems like things are falling into place for this cycle. TSH under control--check. Endometriosis removed and lupr0n-ed--check! Immune system getting ready to be suppressed--hopefully. This is my last podcast before I head out on my trip. Entertain yourself for the next two weeks by listening to my older podcasts and laugh at my newbie-ness.

Another busy week. Gearing up for my next lupr0n shot and my birthday (somehow, I'm dreading both equally as much). And sad news from friends: one is miscarrying and the other one had the birth mother of her adopted daughter decide she wanted her baby back. Makes you wonder why people dealing with IF keep getting swift kicks in the nuts time after time.
To keep me sane, I try and listen to music. This week I've given you a sampling of songs I think are actually about dealing with IF.

Off to another baseball game tonight (hence the baseball pic). This was a somewhat exciting week. Had a good visit with the in-laws. Also had a great appointment with the RE. I have a schedule!!! Stims start on 7/7/07 (can't get luckier than that) and ER should be around 7/21 with ET on 7/24. No need for BCP or microdose lupron. I get to start right with stims (since I'm busily suppressing myself these past 2 months). I can't wait to start. But in the meantime I have a birthday to celebrate (ugh, those are no fun when you are wishing you could stop time from trampling on your ovaries) and trip to Scandinavia to prepare for.

Off to the In-Laws for Memorial Day weekend. I need some kind of vacation. This week I had 3 doctor's appointments, 1 acupuncture appointment, a physical therapy appointment, and a training session on how to become a patient actor. Hellooooo? I don't need to be trained on how to become a patient. I've had plenty of training in just this week alone! Lupr0n's first casualty? My sleep. No hot flashes this week but the anxiety level hasn't been too great. The 2nd casualty? My urinary tract--which now seems to be in "full blown UTI" state. Thanks to the loss of estrogen, I'm more prone to UTIs. Lovely.

Lupr0n is doing its best to make me moody. Sorry if I sounds a bit one edge in the podcast this week. Not too much going on since it is the world's longest break from IF treatments (just 49 more days to go until IVF #3 but who's counting). Listen in as a bitch and moan about talking IF with friends who don't get it and how I'm ready to be a hermit again and drown my moodiness in some good wine on the porch. Feel free to e-mail me at nopeainthepod@hotmail.com.

Back from my visit to my folks. Highly recommend a visit to your family for some good ol' fashioned mom and dad pampering. After many failed cycles, it was very much needed.

On another note, make your voice heard! Write to your representative about HR 322, a bill that would legislate infertility insurance coverage. It just takes a quick note (or better yet call) to your representative. Find an easy to fill out form here. 

I start lupr0n dep0t on Saturday. Stay tuned for the joys of going into menopause for 2 months. Hey at least this involves a needle which means something is going on. These last 4 months have needed more needle action!

IVF #3 seems so far away. But I'm getting ready to start lupr0n dep0t (well, in 2 more weeks). Part of me is excited and ready for another IVF and part of me is dreading the endless doctors appointments. But IVF must go on and I will enjoy this 2 month break before the daily needles come out. Listen in on how its tough to keep it together sometimes and why it's hard to know when you've done enough IVFs.

What a long week: A visit with the RE (went great), visit from the SIL and BIL and their 2 kids (went great but glad to have my house back), and visit from a bunch of medical bills (trying to make these go away). Kind of a downer podcast but I'm going to pull myself out of this! Got great weekend plans ahead and the weather has finally turned back to spring. Yay!

Sorry for not posting last week. The GI pain returned and I was too down to post. It isn't as bad as last time. I meet with my RE this afternoon to beg for a GI referral. No more wait and see!!! Still have no idea when the next IVF will be. I'm so hoping to get more info this afternoon but our RE was booked and we're scheduled for a tiny part in his lunch break. We'll see if we can get 5 minutes out of him. When he's grumpy, he's no good to deal with. Listen in this week as I talk about how disconnected I feel from the IF community.

Hi everyone. I am headed out to a cabin with my husband, his sister, and her boyfriend for the weekend. Maybe not the best idea to go into the woods on Friday the 13th and stay in a cabin. But I'm really looking forward to it. I'm still pain free. I have my follow-up appointment with the RE on Tuesday. And I'm gearing up for a visit from my brother-in-law, his wife, and their 2 small children on Tuesday. Yikes. Hope to post a podcast on Sunday when I get back.

The pain has gone away...mostly. I just hope it stays away and I can get back to the business of making babies. Enough with the pain, needles, and anesthesia! Oh wait, that's what I have to do to make babies too. Oh well. It's a beautiful sunny day and DH and I have a long weekend and a great night planned. Things are looking up. Tune in to hear my views on acupuncture and having IRL IF friends.

I had my post-op appointment with my RE on Tuesday. What was supposed to be an appointment of me convincing him to allow me to do 3 months of lupron (vs. 1 month), ended up being me explaining how I had been in severe abdominal pain for a week and needed help. I didn't get much help. I got advice to take laxatives and antibiotics. So I've done both and still there is pain. What do I do now? Hopefully the pain will be gone by my next appointment on Monday or he'll have some real ideas. I so want to stop seeing doctors. My faith in the medical community is shrinking with every second.

Well I forgot that I'll be in DC at a conference from Thursday-Sunday. So no official podcast this week on Friday. Instead, I got goofy and did this quick podcsat instead. I was inspired by the fact that between my 2 surgeries and a root canal, I have lost 7 pounds. I can finally fit back into my old clothes. Who knew surgery was such a good thing?

Thanks to my DH for his help on this one. Music by Alexye Nov.

This week has been really tough. Dealing with the endo diagnosis has been extremely rough. Dealing with tons of doctors, pain, and debt has also taken it's toll on me. I'm trying to pull myself up but it's been extremely tough. Trying to find that glimmer of positive attitutde that was serving me so well. Maybe it'll come back once I can walk upright--still healing from the lap surgery.

Hi everyone. Had my lap and hysteroscopy yesterday. No big shock: they found endo. What was shocking is the severity: Stage 3 to 4 all over the darn place. And what's more distressing is that both tubes are blocked. They were just open in June 06. But I think 2 rounds of IVF have greatly increased the endo. My doc was unable to open my tubes meaning IVF will now forever be our only hope. He wants me to do a month of lupron depot and then go straight into a fresh IVF cycle. But he told me all this as I came out of surgery so who knows what's going on. All I know is the loss of any hope of ever having a natural pregnancy is so sad to me. I had such high hopes to try a natural cycle after the lap. I guess that wasn't meant to be. I'll update you all on Friday's podcast. At least we are getting more answers.

Now I'm just posting silly pictures I like. :) Happy 50th podcast episode to me and to you! I can't believe it but it's been over a year of podcasts and this is #50. Time flies when you're...um...sticking needles in yourself? The break cycle continues with a little break for cd3 blood work. It came out MUCH better this time. Both E2 and FSH were nice and low. So I'm back on the pill and will take it this month to get through the lap next week. Then I dive back into the ttc game. It's been awhile now--I hope I remember how to swim?

OK, this image has nothing to do with my post. I'm in a good mood so I searched google images for "good mood" except I mispelled mood and spelled modd instead, which apparently stands for Monkey of Death. Anyway, it made me laugh. And it's totally not appropriate for this week's post since I'm announcing that I don't have cancer. Yay! My good "modd" has lasted and I'm starting to feel like my old, non-IF self--you know, the person who liked to travel, go out, and meet people. Now that I'm doing all of these things, where does that leave ttc? Find out!

Sorry about posting an old file on Friday. Hopefully this will clear things up.

I'm back from Disney World. Had a great time but had to come back to face the real world. Thyroid surgery went well. No complications. I've spent the week sleeping in and taking percocet--so it can't be too bad right?

No results yet from the surgery--those will come next week. Listen in this week as I talk about my new found positive attitude. Any takers on how long it will last?

Things can't seem to turn around. My DH says we need to stop asking questions because the answers are all bad. Yet more bad tests results this week: add antiovarian antibodies and low Inhibin-B (both predict menopause) and NK cells to the list. Crud. I feel lost in a sea of diagnoses that have no cure. I feel like my body is slowly killing off my organs and it's just a matter of time before I'm fully sterile. I'm gone next week to Florida (Gabby, you just found out your ovaries are dying. Where are you going to go? I'm going to go to Disney World!). So the next podcast (in 2 weeks), barring any surgical accidents with my vocal cords, I will be back to update you all on my thyroid surgery (did they find cancer?!?) and my follow-up with my RI.

To keep you entertained in the meantime, here is a list of words for your lady parts. It's fun to come up with new words for your cooter so you can mix it up at your monitoring appointments with your doctor. Next time I go in for an ultrasound, I plan to ask the nurse "Be gentle with the wand around my Notorious V.A.G."

I'm headed off to a cabin in the woods for the weekend so I just wanted to post a quick update about my appointment with the oncology surgeon yesterday. It went well although it was difficult not to cry while I went through the process. Every step made me feel like I have cancer (you get that feeling as you are in an oncology clinic signing lots of forms, getting blood drawn, asked if you have a living will, etc.). The doc upped my odds of cancer from 15% to 20%. Not a huge leap but I've been in the IF world too long--when your odds of getting pg are upped by 5% you get excited. These upped odds had the opposite effect. The good news is though the surgery is scheduled--2/20/07. Plus the incision he will make is only 5mm and it can be outpatient as long as there are no complications. Hooray for no overnight stays in the hospital! I also have my follow-up appointment with my RE on Tuesday. So next Friday's podcast will have lots of exciting updates! Stay tuned!

Things are finally moving forward. I have a date for my thyroid surgery pre-op (no date for the surgery yet) and my period finally showed. I also scheduled a follow-up with my RE because, gosh darn, I miss sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours for my appointment. Can the heavens finally align for a sticky BFP?

Trying to get through a week after a failed cycle is no good. Trying to get any work done after a chemical is no good either. And why couldn’t the chemical happen before my trip with DH last weekend? Instead it meant a vacation of no sex, no drinking, no hiking—all for nothing. Well, I’m free to do all those things now and trust me, I have a good Friday night planned. Listen in as I talk about how overwhelmed I feel with all the different doctors I’m juggling. I think I need to hire a full-time patient advocate.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words! It means a lot. It was a crazy ride. My HPTs went lighter on 15dpo and then got darker on 16dpo. So I was excited. Then 17dpo, the test went back to barely positive. That day, I got my beta from Friday (14dpo) and it was only 30 so I knew we were headed towards chemical-ville. Today's beta at my clinic (18dpo) was <5. I was shocked it went so low so quickly. I feel like I made this all up. I knew today's would be <30 but to be totally negative just made me feel like I can't even have a decent chemical pregnancy.

I am down but mainly just feel worn out. I still haven't heard from the surgeon either about my thyroid surgery. I'd like to get that scheduled ASAP so it won't interfere with my next FET. Want to make sure we've taken care of the thyroid issues as soon as we can.

It's been a wild week. Started off with lots of good things happening--good tickets to the basketball game, good review on my journal article. Then we got the news of my thyroid biopsy and it wasn't good. Cells came back as 15% chance of cancer so I will need to have the nodule and part of my thyroid removed. Tested BFN 10-12dpo (4dp6dt – 5dp6dt). DH and I decided to book a vacation away this weekend because of the slew of icky news. Then yesterday, I saw a line. And today I saw it again. Am I going insane? It's so light, especially for 14dpo! I won’t have beta results until next week. How can they expect people to wait this long?

It's a new year and a new mind set. We had transfer on Thursday and all went well. My acupuncturist's office was short-staffed so I decided to skip the pre-transfer appointment I usually do (was getting too complicated to arrange a visit). This round: no acupuncture, no pineapple, sporadic bedrest, no stress. We thawed 2 of our 4 embryos and both made it so we have 2 inside me and 2 still in the freezer. And I'm already 7 "dpo." Hooray for a day-6 blast transfer! If nothing else, it makes the time go faster. Listen in today on how New Years Eve went and also about the thyroid biopsy I had today.

Can you believe it's been almost a full year of podcasting? The end of the year is always so hard when you're dealing with IF. This podast I update you on my FET schedule and trip to the in-laws for the holidays. I also do a year-in-review (and what a year it's been) and try to pass along some of my new year's resolutions. All I'm saying is let's hope 2007 is a much better year than 2006.

This week provided way more downs than ups. Which is no good since I need all the strength I can get going into the holidays. On the upside, it looks like this FET is a go. On the downside, I feel like I got ripped off by my RI appointment. And also, I now have to add more medical problems to the mix--the lump on my thyroid was bigger than expected and so that means a biopsy--the day after my ET. Happy Holidays. :(

When you want your period to show up, where is she? Sheesh, my period is taking her own sweet time to get here and now doing FET next month looks iffy. Once again, it's the life of dealing with infertility: waiting. Waiting for my period. Waiting to start the next cycle. Waiting to meet with a new doctor. No waiting for you, though. If you want to listen in on my exciting week ;), listen to this week's podcast now.

Thanks to those of you who participated in the survey. The results are in:

A. Wait it out. You'll either O in the next 2 weeks (and you'll have to start steroids then) so it'll be decided for you or, if you don't O, then you can do the b/w you need at your reproductive immunologist appt.
50% of the vote

B. Just take the provera already. Time it around our xmas trip. You can do the FET and then do b/w after that.
40% of the vote

C. Other- 10%

Find out this week which one I chose...or more accurately, which one my body chose for me.

I wish I weren't in school to become a researcher. Really, I'm too good at it. My doctor told me he thought I had antiovarian antibodies that were causing me to respond so poorly to stims (when not on steroids). I figured though it was my weight gain that helped last cycle. But this cycle has proven that theory wrong. I'm on cd 25 and so far I've geared up to O 2x and both times it hasn’t worked. So doing research on AOAs has led me to realize this is probably what I'm dealing with. In some ways, it is a relief to know I have a cause to the 2 years of unexplained irregular cycles but I am mostly sad b/c there is no cure and eventually my ovaries will be destroyed by yours truly. I guess my body didn’t want to make my thyroid feel lonely so it decided to attack my ovaries too. What organ system will be next?

So, this week I talk about my steps towards calling in the big dogs: A Reproductive Immunologist. I have an appointment in 2.5 weeks but what do I do in the meantime about my crazy cycles? Listen in on my quandary about when and if I should take pr0vera, how to time a FET, and when to get more autoimmune b/w done. You can help me decide by taking this fun survey. Hey, maybe you're as bored as I am?