No Pea In The Podcast

September 3, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Thu, 4 Sep 2008 01:06:00 GMT

Sorry for the long delay. It's getting harder and harder to podcast. The babies take up a lot of time--who would have thought? I talk on this podcast about my big babies (who are measuring at or above the 75th percentile for height and weight for 4 month olds--and that's unadjusted!), getting back to work, and getting out and being more social. And I'm finally starting to admit that maybe I'm a mother.

August 12, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:46:00 GMT

Back from a week long trip to the beach. It went well and was a nice break. Kiddos were great. Just a quick post this week. I talk about my thank you note to my doc, my upcoming visit from my MIL, and upcoming interviews with nannies. Feeling woefully behind on my dissertation and hope to get some work done on it soon! And here's a pic of our 2 bathing beauties taking a nap.

July 28, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:15:00 GMT

A quick podcast today. You get to hear some babies fussing in the the background. Hard to get through doing anything these days. But I still think we were very lucky to get 2 pretty easy going babies. I talk this week about my mom's helpful visit and our upcoming trip to the beach. Yay, I finally get to travel. I also talk about how I am making it out of the house more with babies in tow. They're pretty good when I've gone out and it really helps my state of mind to leave the house every once in awhile. And here's a pic of our nursery. It looks kind of messy a lot of the times but you can see the cribs for our little monkey (Q) and our little moon (Sabine).

July 7, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Mon, 7 Jul 2008 20:23:00 GMT

I talk this week about the scares of being a parent--how seeing your child hurt kills you. I also talk this week about sending thank you notes to your IF care providers and visits from the moms (my mom and MIL). And here's a pic for you to enjoy: Sabine giving her best WTF look to her brother.

June 29, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 21:36:00 GMT

Feeling better this week. Got some sleep and have a little light at the end of the tunnel: my mom comes in 1.5 weeks! Yay! I talk this week about hoping for longer sleep stretches and still not feeling like a mother. Still on smile watch. Think it'll be any day now that we start getting some real smiles and giggles!

June 20, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:35:00 GMT

I can't believe it. Both babies are asleep. So I have a quick second to upload this podcast. I get a little weepy in this one so I apologize in advance. I am mentally and physically drained and it's hard to believe I have months and months of this draining work ahead of me. But I know it gets easier and more rewarding. And a sleepless night with twins is still tons better than a sleepless night crying over a failed cycle. It's been hard to podcast because every free moment (and there are very few of them) have to be spent doing dishes, laundry, and getting work done on my dissertation.
This week I talk about how hard it was to have a babysitter look after my kids (even though I was still in the house) and how I really miss my husband--even though he's still in the house too. :)

May 30, 2008-Infertility Podcast: 100th Episode!!!

Fri, 30 May 2008 18:10:00 GMT

Welcome to my 100th episode! Who knew I'd be at this for 100 episodes? When I started, I was just beginning doing injectables and figured I'd be pregnant in no time! This week I talk about still feeling broken--breastfeeding is not going well at all. I also talk about how motherhood (and getting your PhD at the same time) leads you to feel like you have a case of the should be's (as in I should be...holding the babies, working on my dissertation, doing laundry, etc.). But I am blessed with 2 good babies who are the light of my life. Look at how snuggly they are!

May 11, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 11 May 2008 19:10:00 GMT

How did those 2 babies fit in my belly? Here's a pic of how they were positioned in the womb. So long time no podcast, huh? It's been a crazy few weeks. This week I give you the audio version of the birth story and talk about the trauma with feeding issues. If I sound a bit incoherent, it's because I'm on no sleep right now. It gets better right? :)
No matter how little sleep I'm getting though, I still love these 2 sweet babies we've brought home. It's the first mother's day where I can avoid spending the day feeling so sad.

Welcome home Quentin and Sabine

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 18:02:00 GMT

So sorry for the delay in posting. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes. It may take me a little while to post a podcast but I hope to do it soon. But I'll give the summary here. Because I was strapped to the bed with a zillion different wires, I wasn't able to move around and help labor along. stayed at 6cm for awhile. Finally, things started to pick up a bit. I really wanted to get things going before 5pm so I knew m doc could be there to deliver me. Low and behold by about 4pm, I was about 10cm. We were in a regular L&D room but my doc told me to start pushing there. It was so amazing to reach that point. I was actually going to give birth! I was pushing well and making progress fast. My doc was worried because Quentin (the presenting baby) was showing some signs to distress during contractions. So they wheeled me into the OR. It was crazy in there! There were about 20 people in this small room. They got me situated on the table and I started pushing again. They used a vacuum on Q's head to make sure he was delivered fast. A few more pushes and he was out. It was an amazing moment to look down and watch this baby coming out of me. I honestly thought someone would tell me I was pregnant with monkeys or something. :) They whisked Q away to another room and then they started with the breech extraction of Sabine. That was crazy and nerve racking. It seemed to take forever for the doctor to find Sabine and pull her out. But they finally got her out with some pushing from me. Then they took her to a spot next to me and I tried to take a peek as they worked on her. As soon as I heard her cry it made me bawl like crazy. They delivered the placentas and stitched me up a bit. We were shocked when we found out that Q was 5lbs 11oz and Sabine was 5lbs 6oz. We were also amazed that they needed no NICU time and came home with me. I'll give the full details at the next podcast but just have to say how amazingly blessed we feel and totally in love.

Babies will be here today!

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 13:20:00 GMT

Contrax started to get stronger so they took me up to L&D. As soon as I got up here, my water broke--huge gush! I was already 5 cm and in a lot of pain, so I got the epidural. I haven't progressed much -- they started pitocin and at last check I was about 6 cm. We're going to attempt a vaginal delivery, but it will be in the OR just in case. We'll keep everyone posted!

Thanks, everyone, so much for your kind thoughts and encouraging words! It means a lot.

April 20, 2008-Infertilty Podcast

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 17:23:00 GMT

So now it seems I may be contracting regularly. I'm 35w2d today. Really wanted to hold on to these babies at least until 36 weeks but they may have other plans. I'll keep you posted.

More updates

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 22:45:00 GMT

Sorry no podcast yet. It's hard to podcast from the hospital and I've been feeling pretty tired all the time. So the update thus far is that I was here until Thursday when the doc's felt it was safe to discharge me. BP was steady, labs were steady, etc. But as soon as I got home and started monitoring BP there, my BP was running around 140/90. So not good. Went in the next day for my appointment but being the realistic pessimist that I am, I brought my packed bag with me. And it was good that I did. BP was running high so doc felt it best to just admit me for the duration of the pregnancy. Good news is we did an ultrasound to check fluid levels and do a doppler on the blood flow in the umbilical cords and all looked well with the babies. So at least my stupid issues aren't hurting them.

Doc says we won't go past 37 weeks but he's skeptical I'll make it that far. I have a countdown going on my white board in my room that the RNs update for me each day. Right now, we're at 35w1d, 13 days to go until 37 weeks.

I am going to try and podcast tomorrow with more updates and info. Thanks to everyone for their kind comments. It's nice to know I have company while I'm holed up in the hospital. :)

Still in the hospital

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:27:00 GMT

Although BP is good and nothing has worsened, my doc is keeping me here at least until tomorrow. We'll run more labs then and we'll see. I'm not going to hold my breath. But I'm 34w5d so getting really close to 35 weeks. My husband and I took a tour of the NICU yesterday. It was comforting in that there are really very few 34 weekers in there. But we did see a few babies who were born before 34 weeks and were at 34 weeks gestational age. They all weighed about 4.5 lbs. Even though our 32 weeks u/s said our babies were 4.5 lbs already, they tend to be off. But wow, those 4.5lbs babies were so tiny. It was nice to have a visual of what's inside of me but also scary to see how small our babies are. I just hope I can grow them for a few more weeks.

April 13, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 21:07:00 GMT

Greetings from the hospital. I'm here being monitored for preeclampsia. Seems I have a mild form and am waiting until tomorrow to see my doc and figure out if I'll stay here until delivery or go home for bed rest. So hoping to go home but we'll see. The babies seem to be doing well and my BP has remained below normal. But I'm spilling protein. So a not-so-fancy podcast this week since I am not at my usual computer. But hey, you can't beat wireless in the hospital. Will try and update with blog posts this week. I am 34w2d today so every day counts now.

April 4, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 4 Apr 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Back from a 2 week hiatus. Things are still going well. Still sleepy as all get out and have the craziest cankles you've ever seen but so thrilled to still be pregnant. I talk this week about another trip in to see the doctor--this time for cramping. And I also talk about the emotional mess I wanted to become at today's baby shower.

Quick blog post.: Happy 32 weeks to me!

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:18:00 GMT

Mother in law and sister in law (not the mean one) :) are headed into town so no time for a podcast today. Will try and update soon though. But for now, just know we had a great appointment today. Both babies are measuring pretty equally and are both about 4.5 lbs. No wonder why it's getting so hard to walk around. Enjoy this pick of our little girl yawning. She's tired just like her mommy.

March 21, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:05:00 GMT

31 weeks today! Who knew growing 2 babies would make me so tired? I talk this week about how tired I've been and how things are moving along: nursery is getting assembled, childbirth and baby care classes are being taken, strollers are being purchased. It's like I'm actually starting to believe that I might just have 2 little ones arriving my way in a few more weeks.

March 7, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 7 Mar 2008 20:44:00 GMT

Another trip to L&D this week and yet again, all is OK. NO more trips though--seriously. Unless I'm actually giving birth to these babies, I'm not going. I talk this week about trying to cut back on work and the fact that you still deal with hurtful comments related to IF even after you've been pg for awhile. Tonight is the garage sale for one of the local MoMs groups. Excited to finally be purchasing some things--hopefully my wallet won't hurt too much afterwards!

February 29, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 23:26:00 GMT

A relatively uneventful week. No trips to the L&D so that's good. Husband was gone all week but was supposed to arrive tonight. Flight got cancelled so he's coming in tomorrow. Bummed about that but oh well. I talk this week about feeling faint all the time, having good friends, and havinga great ultrasound. Babies are both getting big: boy is 3 lbs and girl is 2lbs 14oz. Both are around teh 50th percentile. Hooray. here's a shot of the boy, We seem to get the best shots of him.

February 22, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 16:11:00 GMT

I'm in the 3rd trimester. Yay! Never thought I'd make it here. This week was another bumpy ride complete with a passing out episode at the dentist and another trip to L&D. But all is well. Went back to the dentist where they let me sit up (vs. lie down) and the contractions I was having again don't seem to be chipping away at my cervix. Energy level though is at an all time low and my ability to move seems to get more and more restricted every day. But each little kick I get is a nudge from the babies to keep on chugging and I'll do it until they're ready to come out.

February 15, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 15 Feb 2008 22:42:00 GMT

I'm at 26 weeks now. Had a scare yesterday with a trip to Labor and Delivery. All is well. Just was having some braxton-hicks contractions that were coming regularly. I talk this week about how your expectations change when you go through IF and how it stinks to be so immobile sometimes.

February 8, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 8 Feb 2008 21:50:00 GMT

Not much going on this week--which is always good. I'm 25 weeks and chugging away. I talk this week about the debt IF still plays in our lives and how buying crib bedding was the scariest thing I've ever done. But see the pic? I finally did it. Hopefully this will open the flood gates of me being less of a freak and more like a normal pg woman--who wants to buy a zillion things!

February 3, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 3 Feb 2008 21:48:00 GMT

Well I made it to my first big goal--24 weeks, viability. I talk this week about my 24-week appointment and u/s. There's a cool shot of our baby boy there. I also talk about how my day of pampering didn't go quite as planned and how I've been flooded with emotion since hitting 24 weeks. The countdown continues. Next stop: 27 weeks and the 3rd trimester.

January 25, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 22:25:00 GMT

Week 23 here for me. I'm so close to week 24, I can taste it. Just have to get through this next week of dissertation fun until maybe I can cut back on work and relax a bit. This week I talk about how exhausted I've been and also talk about the consequences of shunning your pg friends while you're going through IF.

January 17, 2008-Infertility podcast

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 20:59:00 GMT

22 weeks tomorrow. I can't believe I keep plugging along. This week I talk about how weird it is to answer the question "How are you feeling?" I also talk about hanging out with IF friends and going to my first mothers of multiples meeting. Had a really cool u/s yesterday complete with lots of 4D pics. The next 2 weeks are going to be crazy with work stuff but I'm just gunning towards February 1st: viability.

So You Think You Know Infertility: The Game Show

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:26:00 GMT

No major updates for me this week (all is going well) so I decided to do something fun instead. Enjoy the first game show dedicated to all things infertility!

January 3, 2008-Infertility Podcast

Thu, 3 Jan 2008 16:42:00 GMT

Welcome to 2008. Let's hope this year brings us all what we want and have waitied so long for. I had a nice holiday with my family. Listen in this week as I talk about feeling overwhelmed with the shopping list for 2 babies and how I still can't bring myself to buy anything. My next OB appointment is tomorrow and I can't wait. Hoping for yet another peek in at the munchkins.

December 21, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 22:08:00 GMT

Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been so busy these last few weeks. But all is well with the babies. Had our level II u/s today and it was so amazing. They are getting so big. Everything looked great and as you can tell by the blinkie, we appear to have 1 of each in there. We honestly would be happy with any option but we are really excited to be expecting a girl and a boy. That means more shopping, right? This week I talk about how it's still weird to break the news to people and how I still feel a little like I don't fit in anywhere--not a fertile, not ttc still. Probably no podcast next week because my family will be here but I'll talk to everyone in 2008.

December 7, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 7 Dec 2007 18:01:00 GMT

Another uneventful post--thank goodness. Just plowing along. I'm 16 weeks today. Time still seems to be moving really slowing but I feel like it should be picking up at any time now. I've been swamped with school, grading, and my dissertation. Although I know stress isn't the best thing for a pregnancy, it has been a distraction. Listen in today as I weigh in on the latest Newsweek article on infertility and diet (thanks Kimberly for posting the link). Just one more week until my next appointment.

November 30, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 20:16:00 GMT

I couldn't think of an image to post for this week. So we'll just go with blank. It's a busy time: finals and working on my dissertation. Still feeling pretty run down and queasy but all still seems to be going well. I';m another 2 weeks away from having another peek at the babies (hopefully) at my next appt. Then, in 3 weeks, it's the big gender scan. Listen in this week as I talk about how I'm still not showing much and how I'm still scared to tell people I'm the "p" word.

November 16, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 21:56:00 GMT

Had an OB appt with a quick u/s. 2 hearts still beating away. So why can't I chill out? This week I talk about my latest fear: uterine entrapment. I want to let go. I'm in the 2nd trimester. I want to enjoy this pregnancy. Not sure when that will happen.

November 9, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 9 Nov 2007 23:19:00 GMT

We had a wonderful NT appointment on Wednesday. The babies were squiggling around so much that they took about an hour to do the full scan. It was a much loved hour watching those 2 dance around like a couple of crazy babies. This week I talk about my fear of weaning myself off meds and how I still feel like I'm far off from feeling comfortable with telling people our news.

November 2, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 2 Nov 2007 17:04:00 GMT

While it seems that time is going by quickly in other areas of my life, for pregnancy, it is like I'm standing still. Each week milestone I hit feels like it took a month to get there. It doesn't help that I had no u/s this week that let me check in on things. I talk today about how my doctor's office is not boosting my confidence, go over some IF-related studies, and talk about how I'm feeling more comfortable with my decision to forgo more immune treatment.

I also feel like a total dork. On my last post, I was all excited the babies were measuring ahead, thinking that I was 8w5d at my u/s. Um no, I was 9w5d (no wonder why time is going slow). So the babies were measuring behind by a few days still. I really hope they catch up soon!

October 26, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 18:53:00 GMT

A good week but a stressful one. U/S looked great. Babies were measuring a bit ahead. I was 8w5d and they were 9w1d and 9w. Usually they're measuring behind so it was nice that they played catchup. I discuss this week why I'm thinking about discontinuing IV*Ig. I now have another 2 weeks in between u/s. I haven't had to wait this long yet to check in on the pumpkins so next week is going to be a lonnnnggggg week. Anyone have pro or con views on getting a doppler?

And as an answer to Courtney who posted today on the previouos post, they didn't unblock my tubes. I really wanted them too but my RE said they'd just close back up (they were gunked up with endo). I understand that if you have hydros, they'll want to remove your tubes but mine were just blocked without water in them.

October 19, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 19:45:00 GMT

A shorter podcast this week. Had a good OB appt and got to take a sneak peek at the 2 monkeys today. I went to a new patient class at my OB's office and it was so weird to be around happy pregnant women who had no fears. And it was weird to meet with a doctor who said things like "Congratulations." and "Everything looks great." I'm not used to that. I'm used to "Um, wow, we don't know what's wrong with you." and "Things don't look good." Please let this be a change in the tide. Let things go well from here on out. Good news is the SCH looks like it's gone. So hopefully no more bleeding. And here's an u/s pic of one of the monkeys.

October 12, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 20:27:00 GMT

So there's the latest pic of the babes. And, you can also see my stinking subchorionic hematoma too. I flipped it upside down because that way it looks like an alien. :) The babies form the eyes and the SCH forms the mouth. So sort of a long podcast this week where I talk about why it's hard to stay positive (I'm trying though) and how I have a healthy dose of survivor's guilt. I also lament about work life stresses and why DH and I, if we ever get to announce this pg to the world, will be telling everyone exactly how many IVFs it took.

October 5, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 5 Oct 2007 18:01:00 GMT

It's been a rough day. Lots of red bleeding and cramping landed me in the clinic for an emergency ultrasound. I figured it had to be over. But low and behold: they're both still there. Both have heartbeats and both measured 6w3d (a few days behind but still OK). I was shocked and so relieved. I figured we would lose one at least just because my betas were so weird. To have both still there is so amazing. I go back in for an u/s on Wednesday. I was supposed to head to CA for a wedding on Thursday but we are having to cancel. Doc said travel is not a good idea right now because bleeding is never a good thing. For now, the bleeding has stopped and now I just wait for the next sneak peek at these 2 troopers who seem to be thriving in my war zone of a uterus.

September 27, 2007-Inferility Podcast

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 17:11:00 GMT

I won\\\'t spoil too much of the surprise. You\\\'ll have to listen to the podcast this week for all the updates. But the number may give you a hint. :)

And I\'m not sure why Libsyn is putting /\'s in my post.

Today's beta makes me feel much beta. :)

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 21:42:00 GMT

So beta more than doubled today (DT 46.7 hours). I started spotting yesterday though, which of course freaked me out. And my progesterone has plummeted from 60 to 16. So I have to go back on the PIO. Progesterone has always been an issue with me and I was worried to go off the PIO. Not excited about going back on but will feel relieved to know I'm getting a good dose of progesterone. Plus, I'd stick needles in my eyeballs to keep this pregnancy. So I have to go back in on Tuesday for another P4 check and I think, beta, and then maybe they'll actually talk ultrasounds with me.

September 21, 2007-Inferility Podcast

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 18:50:00 GMT

Waiting impatiently for my 4th beta. These last 2 days have about killed me. I wish I wouldn't get so down and worked up over things. It's hard not to want this soooo badly and to be so scared about all the what ifs. Thanks to everyone for your wonderful posts--especially to all my former BG members on Baby*Center and FF. I give you all a formal apology in my podcast for being such a bad friend. :)

All right, just hoping the next hour goes by really fast!

Update: Yay, they called early today. Beta is 1677. I'm very pleased with this number. Sure, it didn't double but DT was 53.7 hours which is better than it was last time (62 hours). AND it went up. AND it went up by 86% (last time it was 71%). Sure the chart doesn't look as pretty but I'm leaning towards a vanishing twin. BUT, my clinic isn't really happy and wants me to come back on Sunday. That'll be five betas for me. I wanted to sleep in on Sunday. :( I wanted to be done with beta hell. Oh well, I am pleased with the number. Thought it would not go up that much. And I think Sunday will yield another good number. Fingers crossed!

Beta didn't double. :( DT is only 62 hours

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 20:16:00 GMT

I don't like that things are slowing down. I really wanted a nice doubling beta. Here are the betas so far:
Beta 14dpo: 180
Beta 17dpo: 527 (DT 46.5 hours)
Beta 19dpo: 902 (DT 62 hours)

Go back again on Friday. This week is so friggin' long!

Beta's going up: A new experience

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 20:24:00 GMT

Beta for today is in:

14dpo: 180
17dpo: 527
DT: 46.5 hours
Progesterone up from 36 to 49

It is hard to breathe. It all seems surreal. My only experience with betas before were those going in the opposite direction or those who were never positive at all. Another beta on Wednesday and Friday and then it's a long month wait until the ultrasound.

Beta's in

Sun, 16 Sep 2007 21:56:00 GMT

I tested with the internet cheapie test on Thursday (13dpo in the picture below) and again on Friday. Seemed to be getting darker but on Saturday, it looked the same. I was nervous--having flashbacks on my chemical pregnancy. But the beta results came in on Saturday (from Fridays 14dpo test) and it's 180. Absolutely thrilled with that number. Took another Accu-clear and it's darker and the IC test from today is much darker. Official beta is tomorrow and then Wed and Fri to check for doubling.

It's all so surreal right now. I don't feel particularly pregnant except for a few signs here and there. Just hoping to make it through the beta hurdle this week.

Thanks so everyone who posted comments. It means so much to me that there are so many people out there rooting for me!

September 14, 2007-Inferility Podcast

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 17:17:00 GMT

I'm in utter shock. This week has been hell. The 2ww after IVF is so awful and I was getting no sleep and was feeling pretty on edge. So when I tested yesterday (13 days past retrieval), I was basically just confirming a negative. I about fell over when I saw the 3 lines on 3 different tests come up so dark and so quickly. I had to run and get a digital to confirm and it was so awesome to see the word "Pregnant" come up!

Official beta is not until Monday but I got one drawn today on the sly. Won't know the results until tomorrow or Monday though but I couldn't resist. Please, please, please have this be something that sticks this time. Please let this be for real. I'll update the site with my betas next week.

September 7, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 7 Sep 2007 17:26:00 GMT

So those are the 2 beauties. We transferred 2 blasts: 1 early blast grade B and one regular blast grade B+. There were 2 morulas left that they may freeze. And so now begins the true wait. And the wait sucks. It's probably the worst part of IVF to me. You do so much stuff and then you're sent on your merry way to twiddle your thumbs and just wait. I've been taking it easy since transfer and tonight I'm officially off "bedrest."
Now I just fight to keep hope alive. Hope abounded before this cycle. All signs are pointing to yes! And yet, I sit here and think about what I will drink next Friday when I get a BFN. It's a vicious thought process. Your mind plays so many tricks on you. Hoping to post good news here next week...see, that sounds hopeful right?

We're doing a day 5 transfer

Mon, 3 Sep 2007 18:47:00 GMT

Quick update. Out of the 12 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature. On day 2, we had 7 embryos. 4 were 4 -cell and looked good so they told us as long as we had 3 8-cell by day 3, we'd do a 5 day transfer. They said they'd call us by 9am on Monday to let us know which day we'd transfer.
I woke up at 6:30am and I couldn't sleep. Was up all night with nightmares about missing the call from the embryologist. 9am passed. 10am passed. 11am passed. Finally, at noon, I called them. We still have 3 grade A 8-cells right now. The other 4 are chugging along too (although not as many cells and not as pretty). So we're bumping up to a 5dt. This is new for us and we're pretty excited. This cycle has definitely been about quality over quantity.
So hoping we have something left on day 5 to transfer!

August 31, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 17:44:00 GMT

Well, I had ER today. We got 12 eggs--so just one more than I expected. It's less than the 14 and 20 of yesteryear's IVFs but still, anything in the double digits is good in my opinion. And my last 2 cycles, about 75% of my eggs turned into embryos so that means I'm hoping for 9 embryos this round. Won't know until Sunday. Until then, I wait. In the meantime, I have a meeting to go to. Yuck, who wants to go to a meeting on ER day? I hope they don't mind the spacey look I have or the fact that I'm crampy and bloated. It's a shame life has to continue around you while going through IF treatments. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep some more.

Triggering tonight

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 22:53:00 GMT

Well as you can see, the E2 this round is much more steady. I managed to get 9 days of stims in--although my follicles are all really big so hoping they aren't over ripe. I trigger tonight and will have ER on Friday. Hoping I'll be able to still do a podcast on Friday to update everyone with my egg counts. I'm going to guess 11 but it would be great to have more. But 11 mature eggs would be fantastic. 1st IVF I had 14 eggs and 2nd cycle I had 20. Don't think I'll get that number of eggs judging by the number of follicles I have. I know it's quality over quantity but quantity sure feels pretty nice. :)

E2 level looks awesome for today

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 18:39:00 GMT

Very excited with my E2 from today. As you can see by the graph, an E2 of 1604 after 6 days of stims is a much better place for me to be in. Last 2 attempts my E2 was approaching 3000 by this day. Hoping my follies aren't too big tomorrow and I have lots of even growth.

August 25, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Sat, 25 Aug 2007 21:31:00 GMT

Sorry about the delay in the posting. Libsyn (my hosting site) was down for awhile. So this cycle seems to be going better than the last 2 but still way too fast. I'm only on 150 IU each day and still E2 is going up and up. You can see by the graphic that it's not as crazy as the last 2 times but still crazy enough. Today's wanding revealed 6 follies >10 mm but <18 mm on the R and 3-4 in that range on the L. Have 3-4 <10 mm on R and 1-2 <10 mm on the L. I may have more but I get kind of confused and overwhelmed when they do the u/s. Anyway, E2 is 1299 after 5 days of stims. Lining is at a 10. This is compared to an E2 of about 1600-1900 on the last 2 rounds after day 5. I just would really like to stim for at least 8 days this round. I'll post updates on here when I can.

August 17, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 16:51:00 GMT

So there is research showing that the more stressed you are before a cycle, the less likely it will be that you will get pregnant. So I really wanted to try and stay calm this round. But it's been a rough week. I've had to scramble to readjust my travel schedule and cancel a visit to my husband's parents because of this upcoming cycle. I've learned now that, at the last minute, I have to take classes this semester ("Hi professor, I'll be missing this week of class because of bed rest...don't ask."). And my husband is at the end of his rope with cycling. He's ready for it to be done. Without his optimistic support, it makes staying stress-free even more difficult. Hoping at least the cycling part will be stress-free. I'd like for a cyst-free post-lupron baseline with a good deal of antral follies thrown in there for good measure. That's not so much to ask?

Got the go ahead

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 22:36:00 GMT

I had 2 small cysts on each ovary. They took my E2 and neither seem to be functioning cysts so I start lupr0n tonight. I'm kind of freaking out because the RN left a message saying that once I get my period, I'll come in on cd2for blood work and u/s and then start stims. This is completely different from how I have done it in the past. Usually, I'd go by my schedule. So, no matter when my period starts, I start stims after 10-13 days of lupr0n (whatever they scheduled me to do). My schedule has me starting stims on 8/24. But that would mean getting my period 6 days after stopping the BCP. Last time, I got my period 1 day after stopping BCP. So, this is problematic for many reasons:
1. I haven't started steroids yet. Figured I would have 12 days to be on them before stims as per my calendar. Now I'm guessing more like 6 days. I've always taken them at least 2 weeks prior to stims and I am hoping 6 days will be enough. I have to be on them to stim or I won't respond at all.

2. We're scheduled to go out of town for DH's parents anniversary party. Now it looks like I'll be in full fledged stim mode. This means DH goes without me. This means I give myself my shots. This means we lose money on my ticket. This sucks.

3. I've scheduled IV1g based around this schedule. As it stands now, it'll probably be too late. But I won't know until I get my period. Very frustrating.

On the upside, earlier schedule means when we have friends come into town in mid September, I'll be close to the end of the 2ww versus smack in the middle of it. I'd rather be able to celebrate with them (with sparking grape juice) or cry with them (over copious amounts of fermented grape juice) :) than be wanting to POAS every morning.
Oh, why does this have to be so freaking complicated??? On the upside, yay for no functioning cysts, right?

August 10, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 21:06:00 GMT

My acupuncturist did a great job getting rid of the BCP-induced nausea. Now just awaiting my baseline scan on Monday so I can start lupr0n. This week I discuss why I'm a worst case scenario kind of person (like knowing where the exit rows are on planes)--and how it meant I knew way too much about IF treatment before I was IF. I also talk about how life is supposed to go on despite being in debt and spending way too much time doing IF treatments. And I'll ponder how best to answer the question "Do you want kids?"

August 3, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 3 Aug 2007 19:26:00 GMT

Well I'm on my way to IVF#3...again. Started the BCP and it's making me really queasy. Dates are as follows:
8/13 start lupr0n
8/24 start stims
ER on 9/5 and ET on 9/8

Looking forward to a relaxing weekend by the pool. Trying to get as much relaxing in as I can before things get crazy with IVF scheduling!

July 29, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 18:46:00 GMT

Well, my period is here and it's time to get going on IVF#3....again. And my period didn't arrive because I ovulated. Um, no. My body, despite being pumped up with tons of stim drugs, refuses to O on its own. So it was pr0vera for me. Meeting with doc went well and we're starting me on a lower dose this time. So I start BCP tomorrow. Hoping I'm not on them too long. I want to get this show on the road.

July 20, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 20 Jul 2007 18:18:00 GMT

I'm stuck in an endless cycle of trying to get to IVF#3. I still haven't ovulated despite the RN's at my clinic's office saying I would. Uh yeah, being that I have ovulatory dysfunction and have been on lupr0n dep0t for the past 2 months, makes that kind of difficult. Went in for blood work today and am awaiting the results. Really hoping they'll just let me trigger and be done with things. I'm spotting slightly though which makes me think that my E2 has plummeted and I'm going to get AF and be left with a bunch of crazy cysts that never popped.
But, DH and I decided that we have a fun weekend trip when an IVF cycle goes bottom up, why not get away for a cancelled IVF? We're off too the beach. Parents arrive in to town next week so no podcast on Friday but will try to at least update you all on how my doctor's appointment went on Monday!

Cycle Cancelled

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 17:54:00 GMT

Yup. No big surprises. My follicles were already too big yesterday. Stimmed too fast. My RE made a big mistake--really screwed up my doses.
2 months of lupron depot and $2000 down the drain.
Now just wait for AF to see what to do next. WTF appointment next Monday. Need this to end....badly.

July 13, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 21:21:00 GMT

Here's a picture of my estrogen levels as compared to my previous 2 cycles. Wow, looks like cycle #2 huh? Things are going nuts and my body just doesn't want to chill out. So hoping to make it a bit longer but this morning's ultrasound was icky: lots of really big follies already. We'll see what the weekend brings. I know it won't bring a glass of wine for relaxation which stinks. But it will bring an acupuncture session and a pedicure. Can't be all bad. Considering I can barely see my toes over my really bloated belly, not sure why I bother to get the pedicure. Guess my toes will look good in the stirrups for ER.

I got the green light!

Sun, 8 Jul 2007 21:13:00 GMT

I can't believe it but I guess my E2 was in a good range. My ovaries looked anything but quiet though which makes me nervous. Already had a bunch of follicles ready to get started. Lining was only at a 6 so I shouldn't be too full of estrogen. Start stims tonight! Here we go.

July 6, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 6 Jul 2007 14:17:00 GMT

Back from Europe. It was a nice visit but I was unable to escape IF. DH delivered news of pg neighbors and everywhere I turned there was a pg belly or stroller. But check out the picture of the sign I saw. Pretty funny, huh. Where is this baby-free zone? Suppression check is tomorrow and I feel anything but suppressed. Feel like I'm swimming in estrogen so we shall see if the lupron depot did it's job. Fingers crossed that we can go for it!

June 15, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 19:15:00 GMT

Still busily coordinating my own medical care. IVIg is still up in the air but hopefully will come together soon. It seems like things are falling into place for this cycle. TSH under control--check. Endometriosis removed and lupr0n-ed--check! Immune system getting ready to be suppressed--hopefully. This is my last podcast before I head out on my trip. Entertain yourself for the next two weeks by listening to my older podcasts and laugh at my newbie-ness.

June 8-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 8 Jun 2007 20:08:00 GMT

Another busy week. Gearing up for my next lupr0n shot and my birthday (somehow, I'm dreading both equally as much). And sad news from friends: one is miscarrying and the other one had the birth mother of her adopted daughter decide she wanted her baby back. Makes you wonder why people dealing with IF keep getting swift kicks in the nuts time after time.
To keep me sane, I try and listen to music. This week I've given you a sampling of songs I think are actually about dealing with IF.

June 1, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 1 Jun 2007 18:43:00 GMT

Off to another baseball game tonight (hence the baseball pic). This was a somewhat exciting week. Had a good visit with the in-laws. Also had a great appointment with the RE. I have a schedule!!! Stims start on 7/7/07 (can't get luckier than that) and ER should be around 7/21 with ET on 7/24. No need for BCP or microdose lupron. I get to start right with stims (since I'm busily suppressing myself these past 2 months). I can't wait to start. But in the meantime I have a birthday to celebrate (ugh, those are no fun when you are wishing you could stop time from trampling on your ovaries) and trip to Scandinavia to prepare for.

May 25, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 25 May 2007 18:16:00 GMT

Off to the In-Laws for Memorial Day weekend. I need some kind of vacation. This week I had 3 doctor's appointments, 1 acupuncture appointment, a physical therapy appointment, and a training session on how to become a patient actor. Hellooooo? I don't need to be trained on how to become a patient. I've had plenty of training in just this week alone! Lupr0n's first casualty? My sleep. No hot flashes this week but the anxiety level hasn't been too great. The 2nd casualty? My urinary tract--which now seems to be in "full blown UTI" state. Thanks to the loss of estrogen, I'm more prone to UTIs. Lovely.

May 18, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 18 May 2007 19:45:00 GMT

Lupr0n is doing its best to make me moody. Sorry if I sounds a bit one edge in the podcast this week. Not too much going on since it is the world's longest break from IF treatments (just 49 more days to go until IVF #3 but who's counting). Listen in as a bitch and moan about talking IF with friends who don't get it and how I'm ready to be a hermit again and drown my moodiness in some good wine on the porch. Feel free to e-mail me at nopeainthepod@hotmail.com.

May 11, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 11 May 2007 19:06:00 GMT

Back from my visit to my folks. Highly recommend a visit to your family for some good ol' fashioned mom and dad pampering. After many failed cycles, it was very much needed.

On another note, make your voice heard! Write to your representative about HR 322, a bill that would legislate infertility insurance coverage. It just takes a quick note (or better yet call) to your representative. Find an easy to fill out form here.

I start lupr0n dep0t on Saturday. Stay tuned for the joys of going into menopause for 2 months. Hey at least this involves a needle which means something is going on. These last 4 months have needed more needle action!

April 27, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 19:08:00 GMT

IVF #3 seems so far away. But I'm getting ready to start lupr0n dep0t (well, in 2 more weeks). Part of me is excited and ready for another IVF and part of me is dreading the endless doctors appointments. But IVF must go on and I will enjoy this 2 month break before the daily needles come out. Listen in on how its tough to keep it together sometimes and why it's hard to know when you've done enough IVFs.

April 20, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 19:59:00 GMT

What a long week: A visit with the RE (went great), visit from the SIL and BIL and their 2 kids (went great but glad to have my house back), and visit from a bunch of medical bills (trying to make these go away). Kind of a downer podcast but I'm going to pull myself out of this! Got great weekend plans ahead and the weather has finally turned back to spring. Yay!

April 17, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 13:54:00 GMT

Sorry for not posting last week. The GI pain returned and I was too down to post. It isn't as bad as last time. I meet with my RE this afternoon to beg for a GI referral. No more wait and see!!! Still have no idea when the next IVF will be. I'm so hoping to get more info this afternoon but our RE was booked and we're scheduled for a tiny part in his lunch break. We'll see if we can get 5 minutes out of him. When he's grumpy, he's no good to deal with. Listen in this week as I talk about how disconnected I feel from the IF community.

April 13, 2007: No time to podcast

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 23:10:00 GMT

Hi everyone. I am headed out to a cabin with my husband, his sister, and her boyfriend for the weekend. Maybe not the best idea to go into the woods on Friday the 13th and stay in a cabin. But I'm really looking forward to it. I'm still pain free. I have my follow-up appointment with the RE on Tuesday. And I'm gearing up for a visit from my brother-in-law, his wife, and their 2 small children on Tuesday. Yikes. Hope to post a podcast on Sunday when I get back.

April 5, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Thu, 5 Apr 2007 20:14:00 GMT

The pain has gone away...mostly. I just hope it stays away and I can get back to the business of making babies. Enough with the pain, needles, and anesthesia! Oh wait, that's what I have to do to make babies too. Oh well. It's a beautiful sunny day and DH and I have a long weekend and a great night planned. Things are looking up. Tune in to hear my views on acupuncture and having IRL IF friends.

March 30, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 21:21:00 GMT

I had my post-op appointment with my RE on Tuesday. What was supposed to be an appointment of me convincing him to allow me to do 3 months of lupron (vs. 1 month), ended up being me explaining how I had been in severe abdominal pain for a week and needed help. I didn't get much help. I got advice to take laxatives and antibiotics. So I've done both and still there is pain. What do I do now? Hopefully the pain will be gone by my next appointment on Monday or he'll have some real ideas. I so want to stop seeing doctors. My faith in the medical community is shrinking with every second.

Weight Loss Commercial

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 01:16:00 GMT

Well I forgot that I'll be in DC at a conference from Thursday-Sunday. So no official podcast this week on Friday. Instead, I got goofy and did this quick podcsat instead. I was inspired by the fact that between my 2 surgeries and a root canal, I have lost 7 pounds. I can finally fit back into my old clothes. Who knew surgery was such a good thing?

Thanks to my DH for his help on this one. Music by Alexye Nov.

March 16, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 21:27:00 GMT

This week has been really tough. Dealing with the endo diagnosis has been extremely rough. Dealing with tons of doctors, pain, and debt has also taken it's toll on me. I'm trying to pull myself up but it's been extremely tough. Trying to find that glimmer of positive attitutde that was serving me so well. Maybe it'll come back once I can walk upright--still healing from the lap surgery.

Lap update: 3/13/07

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 18:12:00 GMT

Hi everyone. Had my lap and hysteroscopy yesterday. No big shock: they found endo. What was shocking is the severity: Stage 3 to 4 all over the darn place. And what's more distressing is that both tubes are blocked. They were just open in June 06. But I think 2 rounds of IVF have greatly increased the endo. My doc was unable to open my tubes meaning IVF will now forever be our only hope. He wants me to do a month of lupron depot and then go straight into a fresh IVF cycle. But he told me all this as I came out of surgery so who knows what's going on. All I know is the loss of any hope of ever having a natural pregnancy is so sad to me. I had such high hopes to try a natural cycle after the lap. I guess that wasn't meant to be. I'll update you all on Friday's podcast. At least we are getting more answers.

March 9, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 9 Mar 2007 19:19:00 GMT

Now I'm just posting silly pictures I like. :) Happy 50th podcast episode to me and to you! I can't believe it but it's been over a year of podcasts and this is #50. Time flies when you're...um...sticking needles in yourself? The break cycle continues with a little break for cd3 blood work. It came out MUCH better this time. Both E2 and FSH were nice and low. So I'm back on the pill and will take it this month to get through the lap next week. Then I dive back into the ttc game. It's been awhile now--I hope I remember how to swim?

March 2, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 2 Mar 2007 20:48:00 GMT

OK, this image has nothing to do with my post. I'm in a good mood so I searched google images for "good mood" except I mispelled mood and spelled modd instead, which apparently stands for Monkey of Death. Anyway, it made me laugh. And it's totally not appropriate for this week's post since I'm announcing that I don't have cancer. Yay! My good "modd" has lasted and I'm starting to feel like my old, non-IF self--you know, the person who liked to travel, go out, and meet people. Now that I'm doing all of these things, where does that leave ttc? Find out!

February 23, 2007-Repost-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:34:00 GMT

Sorry about posting an old file on Friday. Hopefully this will clear things up.

February 23, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 21:38:00 GMT

I'm back from Disney World. Had a great time but had to come back to face the real world. Thyroid surgery went well. No complications. I've spent the week sleeping in and taking percocet--so it can't be too bad right?

No results yet from the surgery--those will come next week. Listen in this week as I talk about my new found positive attitude. Any takers on how long it will last?

February 9, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 9 Feb 2007 22:25:00 GMT

Things can't seem to turn around. My DH says we need to stop asking questions because the answers are all bad. Yet more bad tests results this week: add antiovarian antibodies and low Inhibin-B (both predict menopause) and NK cells to the list. Crud. I feel lost in a sea of diagnoses that have no cure. I feel like my body is slowly killing off my organs and it's just a matter of time before I'm fully sterile. I'm gone next week to Florida (Gabby, you just found out your ovaries are dying. Where are you going to go? I'm going to go to Disney World!). So the next podcast (in 2 weeks), barring any surgical accidents with my vocal cords, I will be back to update you all on my thyroid surgery (did they find cancer?!?) and my follow-up with my RI.

To keep you entertained in the meantime, here is a list of words for your lady parts. It's fun to come up with new words for your cooter so you can mix it up at your monitoring appointments with your doctor. Next time I go in for an ultrasound, I plan to ask the nurse "Be gentle with the wand around my Notorious V.A.G."

February 2, 2007-Blog update

Fri, 2 Feb 2007 14:43:00 GMT

I'm headed off to a cabin in the woods for the weekend so I just wanted to post a quick update about my appointment with the oncology surgeon yesterday. It went well although it was difficult not to cry while I went through the process. Every step made me feel like I have cancer (you get that feeling as you are in an oncology clinic signing lots of forms, getting blood drawn, asked if you have a living will, etc.). The doc upped my odds of cancer from 15% to 20%. Not a huge leap but I've been in the IF world too long--when your odds of getting pg are upped by 5% you get excited. These upped odds had the opposite effect. The good news is though the surgery is scheduled--2/20/07. Plus the incision he will make is only 5mm and it can be outpatient as long as there are no complications. Hooray for no overnight stays in the hospital! I also have my follow-up appointment with my RE on Tuesday. So next Friday's podcast will have lots of exciting updates! Stay tuned!

January 26, 2007-Inferility Podcast

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 19:17:00 GMT

Things are finally moving forward. I have a date for my thyroid surgery pre-op (no date for the surgery yet) and my period finally showed. I also scheduled a follow-up with my RE because, gosh darn, I miss sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours for my appointment. Can the heavens finally align for a sticky BFP?

January 19, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 19:48:00 GMT

Trying to get through a week after a failed cycle is no good. Trying to get any work done after a chemical is no good either. And why couldnât the chemical happen before my trip with DH last weekend? Instead it meant a vacation of no sex, no drinking, no hikingâall for nothing. Well, Iâm free to do all those things now and trust me, I have a good Friday night planned. Listen in as I talk about how overwhelmed I feel with all the different doctors Iâm juggling. I think I need to hire a full-time patient advocate.

The rollercoaster has coasted to an end

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:35:00 GMT

Thank you to everyone for your kind words! It means a lot. It was a crazy ride. My HPTs went lighter on 15dpo and then got darker on 16dpo. So I was excited. Then 17dpo, the test went back to barely positive. That day, I got my beta from Friday (14dpo) and it was only 30 so I knew we were headed towards chemical-ville. Today's beta at my clinic (18dpo) was <5. I was shocked it went so low so quickly. I feel like I made this all up. I knew today's would be <30 but to be totally negative just made me feel like I can't even have a decent chemical pregnancy.

I am down but mainly just feel worn out. I still haven't heard from the surgeon either about my thyroid surgery. I'd like to get that scheduled ASAP so it won't interfere with my next FET. Want to make sure we've taken care of the thyroid issues as soon as we can.

January 12, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 20:11:00 GMT

It's been a wild week. Started off with lots of good things happening--good tickets to the basketball game, good review on my journal article. Then we got the news of my thyroid biopsy and it wasn't good. Cells came back as 15% chance of cancer so I will need to have the nodule and part of my thyroid removed. Tested BFN 10-12dpo (4dp6dt â 5dp6dt). DH and I decided to book a vacation away this weekend because of the slew of icky news. Then yesterday, I saw a line. And today I saw it again. Am I going insane? It's so light, especially for 14dpo! I wonât have beta results until next week. How can they expect people to wait this long?

January 5, 2007-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 5 Jan 2007 21:31:00 GMT

It's a new year and a new mind set. We had transfer on Thursday and all went well. My acupuncturist's office was short-staffed so I decided to skip the pre-transfer appointment I usually do (was getting too complicated to arrange a visit). This round: no acupuncture, no pineapple, sporadic bedrest, no stress. We thawed 2 of our 4 embryos and both made it so we have 2 inside me and 2 still in the freezer. And I'm already 7 "dpo." Hooray for a day-6 blast transfer! If nothing else, it makes the time go faster. Listen in today on how New Years Eve went and also about the thyroid biopsy I had today.

December 29-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 19:39:00 GMT

Can you believe it's been almost a full year of podcasting? The end of the year is always so hard when you're dealing with IF. This podast I update you on my FET schedule and trip to the in-laws for the holidays. I also do a year-in-review (and what a year it's been) and try to pass along some of my new year's resolutions. All I'm saying is let's hope 2007 is a much better year than 2006.

December 22-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 19:26:00 GMT

This week provided way more downs than ups. Which is no good since I need all the strength I can get going into the holidays. On the upside, it looks like this FET is a go. On the downside, I feel like I got ripped off by my RI appointment. And also, I now have to add more medical problems to the mix--the lump on my thyroid was bigger than expected and so that means a biopsy--the day after my ET. Happy Holidays. :(

December 15-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 16:55:00 GMT

When you want your period to show up, where is she? Sheesh, my period is taking her own sweet time to get here and now doing FET next month looks iffy. Once again, it's the life of dealing with infertility: waiting. Waiting for my period. Waiting to start the next cycle. Waiting to meet with a new doctor. No waiting for you, though. If you want to listen in on my exciting week ;), listen to this week's podcast now.

December 10-Infertility Podcast

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 17:00:00 GMT

Thanks to those of you who participated in the survey. The results are in:

A. Wait it out. You'll either O in the next 2 weeks (and you'll have to start steroids then) so it'll be decided for you or, if you don't O, then you can do the b/w you need at your reproductive immunologist appt.
50% of the vote

B. Just take the provera already. Time it around our xmas trip. You can do the FET and then do b/w after that.
40% of the vote

C. Other- 10%

Find out this week which one I chose...or more accurately, which one my body chose for me.

December 1-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 1 Dec 2006 21:55:00 GMT

I wish I weren't in school to become a researcher. Really, I'm too good at it. My doctor told me he thought I had antiovarian antibodies that were causing me to respond so poorly to stims (when not on steroids). I figured though it was my weight gain that helped last cycle. But this cycle has proven that theory wrong. I'm on cd 25 and so far I've geared up to O 2x and both times it hasnât worked. So doing research on AOAs has led me to realize this is probably what I'm dealing with. In some ways, it is a relief to know I have a cause to the 2 years of unexplained irregular cycles but I am mostly sad b/c there is no cure and eventually my ovaries will be destroyed by yours truly. I guess my body didnât want to make my thyroid feel lonely so it decided to attack my ovaries too. What organ system will be next?

So, this week I talk about my steps towards calling in the big dogs: A Reproductive Immunologist. I have an appointment in 2.5 weeks but what do I do in the meantime about my crazy cycles? Listen in on my quandary about when and if I should take pr0vera, how to time a FET, and when to get more autoimmune b/w done. You can help me decide by taking this fun survey. Hey, maybe you're as bored as I am?

November 24-Infertility Podcast

brieturner@yahoo.com — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 17:12:00 GMT

Things are turning around--we hope. That doesn't mean I still don't feel like I want to do some kind of bad luck reversal spell or charm or something. But the car is being fixed and we're headed up to see our friends. And here's the gorgeous view of the mountain where we stayed last weekend. Listen in as I talk about the weird double life we lead while going through infertility. And also listen to my first attempt at being a DJ! I'm bored waiting for my next cycle to start. ;)

November 16-Infertility Podcast

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 17:36:00 GMT

We all find ways to get over a failed cycle. For me, it was driving in our new car and looking forward to our trip with our friends. Well, both of those are messed up now. All is not lost. We are gearing up for a FET whenever AF arrives and I'm formulating a plan to make sure I try everything for IVF#3 (if we need it).

November 10-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 21:07:00 GMT

You guys rock. Thanks to everyone for their outpouring of support. Last week was really rough. It was one of those times where you wonder what the point is to going on. But we press forward. And as I press forward, I hope to collect more medical info on why my body is attacking its own organs and my embryos. Bad body, bad. I seem to have inherited some nasty autoimmune things from my parents. How did they manage to conceive and give birth to 2 healthy babies? Makes me wonder why I'm so gung ho on passing my genes. I got a nice surprise today tooâI have four frosties waiting for me. Yes, 4 of our embryos made it to freeze. I'm in shock but feel somewhat skeptical in a way too. I explain why in this week's (very long) podcast.

November 3-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 3 Nov 2006 19:02:00 GMT

A really weepy post from me today. Kept trying to make it through without crying and it just wouldn't work. So only listen to this if you want to hear someone whine and cry a lot. I tested this morning (16dpo) and it's a BFN. So IVF#2 is a bust. I feel a little lost right now but am going to enjoy the next few months off and then pick myself up and go into round 3.

October 27-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 21:55:00 GMT

A not-so-cheery post from me this week. I'm feeling down about this round and trying my best to stay sane and positive but it's been super hard. The 2ww during IVF is a really mean and hateful, hateful thing. But we had some good stuff happen--DH and I have a new car as of today. Only I wonder, when my special birthday horoscope said I'd get the one thing I'd been wanting for so long in October, I was hoping it meant a successful IVF cycle, not a new car. :)

ET update

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 21:58:00 GMT

Oh the joys of bed rest. I've been good this time too. Have lazed about on the couch for 3 days straight. Today's the last day! We had ET on Saturday and it went really well. We had the actual embryologist there (not one of his lackey's) and he was very informative. We transferred 3 again: all grade Bâs (one a âB+â?), 2 were 7-celled and 1 was 8-celled. Not too bad. Not as good as last time but look what last time got us? The doc who did our transfer seemed to do a great job. My cervix cooperated too. I did acupuncture before transfer and that, combined with the valium, helped keep me chill. As of Saturday, we had 11 embryos still being cultured. None look stellar but the embryologist thinks we may get 1-2 to freeze this time. Boy, that would be nice.

And so now I'm in the 2ww. I feel weird this time. Not really hopeful. Sort of like this cycle is just going on around me. It's still early though. As soon as I start getting any semblance of a pg sign, I think my involvement in the 2ww will skyrocket!

October 20-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 18:53:00 GMT

Well, I'm standing on the precipice of ET. We had 20 eggs retrieved. 6 more than last time! 18 were mature and ICSI'd. 15 fertilized and we have 14 growing on day 2. All are between 2-4 cells but here's the downer. The embryologist says "none are perfect" and we are doing a 3dt vs. 5dt. Most are grade B's. Listen in as I apologize for being a whiny butt about my ET, how I'm terrified to do another IVF 2ww, and how my elevated antithyroid antibodies give me just one more thing to worry about.

I've gots the trigger finger!

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 23:27:00 GMT

Well, this cycle is just flying by. I only stimmed for 7 days and coasted last night when my E2 came back at 3992. Lots of big follicles today so they can't hold me off any longer. I trigger tonight with ER on Wednesday. I'm nervous that I stimmed too fast and my eggs won't be mature. But who goes into ER without a bucket full of worries? All I can do is cross my fingers and toes and let the doctors do their magic!

Friday the 13th-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 19:16:00 GMT

With all the drama that preceded this cycle, you'd think there would be more ups and downs so far. Nope. Everything has been smooth sailing so far. I'm stimming much better this round. Could be the higher dose (although they've dropped my dose every day--from 350 to 225 so far), could be the no exercise, could be the weight gain (10 pounds today), could be the steroids. Whatever it is, I'm liking it! Don't know when ER will be but am thinking maybe a week from today.
Update: E2 is 1623 after 5 days of stims! G*nalF dropped to 200.

Lab Error, me thinks.

Mon, 9 Oct 2006 17:23:00 GMT

So I had an ultrasound and E2 draw on Sunday. Ultrasound showed everything chilling. Blood work showed a MUCH lower E2 of 91. My guess is the reading of 890 was a lab error--perhaps it was 89.0 and got translated wrong. Even though 91 still seems kind of high to me to start stims, I got the go-ahead anyway. I started stims on Sunday: 350 IU gonal-f, 20 units microdose ovidrel, and 5 units lupron. I go in on Wed for bloodwork. Here we go....

The most functional cyst EVER!

Sat, 7 Oct 2006 19:15:00 GMT

So the nurse calls my home phone. It's not good when the nurse calls. She tells me my E2 is 839. I about choked. 839? Surely there has been a lab mix-up? I go in tomorrow to have it rechecked but I'm just shocked. I had no cysts right before I started lupron and I get AF after BCP, while still on lupron. Where did this cyst come from? Am I trying to ovulate? I mean, I don't "do" ovulation. In fact, it took me over a week of stims to see anything above 800 on the E2. So my guess is this cycle is off. Which may not be such a bad thing. I had a bad feeling about it anyway. But man, sucks that I still have to be the designated driver tonight for the beer fest. I could use a drink...or five.

October 7-Infertility Podcast

Sat, 7 Oct 2006 16:40:00 GMT

Back after a 2 week hiatus. Trip to Ohio was good. I'm in the depths of lupron despair nowâyou know, the headaches, the depression, the blah-ness. Hoping to start stims tonight but am awaiting that elusive voicemail message on my clinics message service. Why do I feel like a dejected loser every time I call in and it says "You have zero messages"? Anyway, this week I talk about more antibody crap, endo theories, and my annoyance with sitting in the exam room for an hour. Will post updates when I get them!

I also wanted to thank all of you who have posted comments. You don't know how much it means to me to get so much support from people I've never even met. Definitely helps when you feel you're low on hope.

All Aboard!

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 14:25:00 GMT

After our icky appointment with the RE on Thursday, DH and I had a fitful night of sleep. We woke up and ended up having the exact same dream:

We both were in a foreign country (me in England, DH in India) and we were on a train but it wouldn't leave until we presented the correct documentation. I searched my suit case for a passport and DH searched his suitcase for a copy of his ticket.

We woke up and realized it showed that we were not ready for IVF. The IVF train was boarding and we felt totally unprepared and lost. Well, the train is taking off whether we like it or not. I had my pre-lupron baseline scan today and had a crazy finding: Last cycle I had 15 antrals (low normal) with most on the right side (and got 14 eggs). This time, I had 25 follicles! And the left was just as proficient as the right. Weird. Maybe the no exercise thing is working. Maybe it's just weird luck. No matter what, I hope it's a sign of good things to come!

September 22-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 18:52:00 GMT

So things just keep getting better and better. I can now add Anticardiolipin Antibodies (ACAs) to my list of fun IF things. My level came back at 19, which isn't super high but high enough to get placed on steroids. Can't wait for that! But IVF#2 moves forwards, Âthis time with a lot more drugs and a lot less hope. Here's my schedule:

9/26: Start lupron

10/7 Start stims

~10/20: ER

~10/23: ET

I've been tagged!

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 19:28:00 GMT

Thanks to Meg, Iâve gotten my first tagging. Iâm supposed to write things about 4 words: spackle, spruce, splinter, and spandex. Here we go:

Spackle: My mom did a really bad job spackling the corner of our guest bathroom. We bought the house a year ago and every time I sit on the toilet, I stare at it, wondering when Iâm going to get around to fixing it.

Spruce: Hmm, this is a tough one. Iâll not go with the tree variety and instead say I am really OCD in that I like to âspruceâ? up my surroundings. Kind of a stretch there but I clean my house every Friday like clock work. I get freaked out when things are organized. I even keep my IVF meds in a spruced-up little box, all organized by type.

Splinter: In high school, somehow every year I ended up with a splinter underneath my nail. Like freshman year, I reached under an old desk and got a splinter. And each time Iâd have to go to the doctor and get a tetanus shot and get it removed. And each time I passed out. Oh how far Iâve come. Give me a shot or give me a splinter and I can take it.

Spandex: I am glad my jeans have stretch to them now. Little bit oâ spandex is helping me avoid buying new jeans. And my spandex gym pants still fit too. Ahhh, the magic of stretch!

OK so Iâm gonna tag the 2 Nickie/Nikkiâs. Nickie needs our hugs after IVF#1 was cancelled and Nikki could use some finger crossing as sheâs in the 2ww after IVF#1. Maybe some mindless words will help make time go faster for both of you. Here are your 4 words:
Consult, motivate, thirst, and scholars.
Enjoy!

September 15-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 19:02:00 GMT

Back to the beginning. I'm staring down the face of IVF#2 and I'm nervous about what I see. I've enjoyed my break and am ready to get started again but I'm also trying to brace myself for IVF taking over my life again. No other way around it. Anything that sticks you with needles every day and makes you come in for doctor's appts every morning takes over you life. Not much going on this week. It's next week where the fun starts!

September 8-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 8 Sep 2006 18:44:00 GMT

Iâm back from a fantastic vacation. It was such a much-needed break. The picture here is from a hike DH and I did to a top of a mountain in Bend, OR. What a view! And get this, my body Oâd without any fake-outs. Just up and Oâd. And on cd26 which is none to shabby. Maybe the sitting on my butt and stuffing my face approach is actually working? But, with an O, it means I donât have to wait on provera to work to get AF. Which means IVF#2 is just around the corner!

August 25-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 19:06:00 GMT

Had a somewhat eventful week--well, as eventful as a break cycle can get. Met with the doc for our IVF#1 follow-up appointment. He was shocked to see us, saying with the embryos we transferred, we should have been pregnant. But alas, I'm not and we have to see him in another 2 weeks where we'll get the results of our immune and DNA testing (yay for being super aggressive Dr!) and I'll do another saline u/s (my doc must sure like shooting salt water up women's hoohas b/c he makes you get one after every failed IVF!). And I have a feeling this is gonna be a looonnngg cycle....again. Sigh. No podcast next week as I will be having fun in the Pacific Northwest for a much needed vacation! Listen in today as I give you my "monkey paw" theory of infertility.

August 17-Infertility Podcast

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 18:34:00 GMT

Iâm back from a 2 week podcasting break. My parents were in town last week so I wasnât able to do any updating. But, thereâs really not much to update you all on. Well, except for my blubbering incident at my acupuncturist's office last week. Oh, and Iâve gained 3.5 pounds since ER. Yay! Hoping at least to gain another 3.5 pounds before I start IVF again. Iâll get more details on when that will be when I meet with the doc next week. Until then, I'm trying to find other ways to remain stress free other than exercise.

August 4-Infertility Podcast

Fri, 4 Aug 2006 20:15:00 GMT

Oh, I wish I had good news to report. Everything kind of went to hell this week. The embryos outside my womb died. The embryos inside my womb died. A filling in my tooth expanded and I need it replaced because my tooth is cracked. And spot came, followed by evil AF-like red spotting. A BFN on a HPT wrapped it all up today. I luckily got my beta moved up because my clinic feels sorry for me having to continue to jab needles in my butt while I have my period. But, we learned some things that hopefully we can take to the next cycle:
1. I have to be on a higher dose of stims. The drop in E2 was no good and spelled disaster from the get go.
2. We need to ICSI the heck out of the eggs. The ICSI'd eggs did a lot better than the non-ICSI ones.
3. Perhaps I need more progesterone help? Some suppositories maybe?

I'll keep my chin up and keep plowing forward. Tomorrow, I'll celebrate one of the few advantages to not being pregnant: having drinks by the pool!

IVF and Stress study

Tue, 1 Aug 2006 15:53:00 GMT

I am participating in a stress and IVF study. I told the coordinator, who is super nice, that I'd pass along her study info to other IVF-ers. So if any of you are interested in participating and are about to start a cycle of IVF, here's the info:

COPING with IVF - Participants needed for Study

Ms. Jennifer Cina, a clinical psychology doctoral student at Adelphi University, is writing a dissertation on coping with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF). As someone who struggled with infertility, Ms. Cina is aware of the complexity of this experience and it is her hope to promote the understanding of womenâs experience of infertility and IVF and to help illuminate the process involved.

Ms. Cina is recruiting participants for a study on coping with IVF. Women who are about to undergo an IVF cycle can qualify to participate in this study that follows stress and coping throughout a given cycle. If you are interested, you will be asked to answer online questionnaires at three points of your treatment â before your cycle begins, one week into stimulation and one week after your embryo transfer.

Your time commitment will total approximately one hour for all three surveys, and you can participate at the convenience of your own schedule via online access. Confidentiality is guaranteed.

To learn more about this study please email the following address IVFstudy@verizon.net.